Promises
by anotherweasley
Summary: Scully makes a promise.


Promises  
By: Olivia  
"No motion has she now, nor force; she neither hears nor sees; rolled round in earth's diurnal course, with rocks, and stones, and trees."-William Wordsworth-"A Slumber Did My Spirit Seal"  
  
  
She didn't really have any idea why she was doing what she was doing. It had all started as a stray thought that had sailed through her head one day. But the more she thought about it, the more it became a need. And eventually, it became an action.  
  
Scully had told Skinner that she needed a few days off for a little vacation, an extended weekend. Skinner had been more than happy to oblige. He had often encouraged her to take some time off to process the loss of Mulder. She had refused of course and had set all her being into finding Mulder. She worked as she had never worked before. It was personal, as her work had always been. Work was Mulder.  
  
She forgot time, but time did not forget her. Days became weeks became months. She was exhausted. As time slipped by the hope that had lit her internally, was now becoming dim. It would never die though. The flame of hope and love for Mulder would forever live in their child. It was for the child that Scully remained strong. She would not lose this miracle of God's by letting her health take a turn for the worse. Mulder would never forgive her for that, nor would she be able to forgive herself.  
  
Her Mother had asked if Scully would like her to come along. Scully was touched by the gesture, but refused. This was something she had to do by herself.  
  
She pulled the car off the highway. Between the pregnancy and her short stature she was going to have to stop driving soon. She occasionally glanced at the directions gripped in her right hand. Sometimes she recognized her way and sometimes she didn't. It had been less than a year since she had been out here with Mulder. It had been a sad time then and her attention had been solely fixated on Mulder's needs and comforting him. She hadn't paid a lot of attention to her surroundings then or any of the other handful of times she had been up here. They had never really been happy times either.   
  
She finally found the place she was looking for. She pulled into the cemetery and drove until she was forced to get out and walk the rest of the way. Eventually she came to the grave she was looking for. She read the name. It was all that was important.  
  
Teena Mulder  
  
Scully placed her hand over the headstone and traced the words with her hand. Scully sighed.  
  
"Hello, Mrs. Mulder. I don't really know why I came. I could have talked to you as easily at home as at this place, but for some reason I feel more connected to you here.  
  
  
I'm sure you are already aware that Mulder has been abducted. I was thinking about what it would be like had you still been living right now, and I realized that had you still been alive, it would have been up to me to break this horrible news to you. I'm sure it was devastating enough when Samantha disappeared, but then to have your only living child to be abducted is more than anyone should have to bear.  
  
I was thinking about how close Mulder became with my Mother when I disappeared. Had you been alive would we have become that close? I like to think so. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I have absolutely no idea what you ever thought about me. I hope you liked me, or would have liked me had we gotten the time to get to know one another.  
  
I sort of blame myself for that now. I wish I had pestered Mulder more about you and perhaps gotten him and/or myself to visit. We were always jumping from case to case looking for the next big thing. And because of that work became our lives. I'm sure it must have been lonely for you and I'm sorry for that. I wanted, actually I needed you to know, which I'm sure you know, how much Mulder truly loved you, as I know you loved him. He was never very good at expressing his feelings until as of late and I'm sorry that you have not been around to see this wonderful side of him. He confessed to me recently that one of the reasons why he worked so hard was because where work was, I was, and he wanted to be near me."  
  
Scully chucked softly and blinked back some tears.  
  
"It was sweet, but definitely some of the most messed up logic I had ever heard. But I guess it was a way for us to be partners, without crossing that line.  
  
I also needed to tell you that I'm pregnant. And, yes, the baby is your son's. You are going to be a grandmother. I wish you were here to be as excited about it as my Mother. I hope you aren't offended that I'm not officially married to you son although I feel as if I have been married to him for seven years. Had he still been here I'm sure that we would have been married by now. I didn't know if Mulder told you that I was unable to have children due to tests that were performed upon me. If he did, then you'd understand how much a miracle this is. I wouldn't want to be the mother of anyone else's baby.  
  
My Mother has been a wonderful help with everything. She can't wait for this baby. More than anything, I want my child to know how wonderful Mulder is. I can only tell my child about the past seven years with Mulder. I wish you were here to fill in the rest of Mulder's history, not only for our child but for myself as well.  
  
I haven't really decided on a name for the baby if it's a girl, maybe Samantha or Melissa, after my sister. If it's a boy I will name him after his father. Perhaps I should make the child's last name be Scully-Mulder. I just don't know. I haven't had too much time to think about it. I've been so focused on finding Mulder."  
  
Scully paused and collected her breath. Her voice began to shake and she wiped the tears that had not realized were slipping down her face.  
  
"I also wanted to come here to apologize to you. When I last stood her at your funeral, holding Mulder's hand I made a promise to you, one that I have not kept. I know you killed yourself partly because you didn't want to face the disease that would eventually transfigure and kill you. But I also know that you did it to protect Mulder. You didn't want him to burden him with you illness. You didn't want him to remember you as other than you were. You loved him. And I silently told you that day that I loved your son and that I would protect him. But I didn't keep my promise to you. I let him go out there to Oregon without me because I was afraid for my life. I wasn't there to protect him. And now he's gone and I don't know how to get him back. As much as I hope you will see him again someday, I don't want it to be now. I want him back. I need him. I'm so sorry."  
  
Scully gripped the headstone and all her sorrow poured out of her. She wept until she was spent. Ever so slowly she became conscious of her surroundings and realized that darkness was fast approaching. Silently, Scully placed a bouquet of peonies that she had been clutching in front of the headstone. Scully softly renewed her promise to Mrs. Mulder.  
  
"I will find him." 


End file.
